Comments on Married At First Sight TV show, swipe dating apps, and being scared to make new friends.
I am in deep with in the Married at First Sight TV show season 14 and every time I settle down with a gin and tonic, I perch on the side of the couch, very uncomfortable in how comfortable I am.
Every episode is a train wreck. I am so unable to look away, yet so gripped by the outrageous drama.
[Strangers are matched and married at first sight (it’s not a legal wedding, that would be properly crazy). The testing, strengthening, growing, challenging, and breaking down of these relationships is documented through the show with tasks and group dinner parties. All that the producers want to see is that these people fall in love for real and live happily ever after. It’s also worth noting that the Season 14 Premier had about 1.3 million viewers across Australia and was the commercial prime time.]
As I watch, I flip-flop from pity to ruthlessness as I see how these people behave and I yell and shout at the telly (these stupid people never take my advice).
“What did you expect to happen when you allowed the producers of a TV show to pick your spouse for you?!”
“Blonde hair cannot be your biggest non-negotiable!”
Lately I have found myself commenting on friends, and friends of friends using Hinge, the online dating app.
Nothing good comes from it.
I could speak for hours with no break for breath on why I hate swipe dating apps.
A little while ago I had a profile on Hinge. I only had it for a short time, but nonetheless I tried it, loved it, hated it, deleted it, re-downloaded it and deleted it again. The candy-crush-addiction it grew in some hidden void in my heart still has a quiet but insistent voice crying for the shallow and immediate power and validation received from swiping and being swiped.
I find myself yelling and shouting at Rosie of the past (the silly girl never takes my advice).
“What do you really expect to gain?!”
I hear the reasoning from people unmatched and single saying it’s simply impossible to find a good enough partner ‘the old fashioned way’ and that online dating is the more efficient way to connect with people.
It is difficult to connect with people beyond your bubble, and it is scary to approach people in public. It is awkward to investigate romantic interest from a long time friend, and it’s embarrassing when the line you rehearsed did not sound as cool as you thought it would.
I hear you.
But I also don’t have a lot of sympathy for you!
What is human interaction if not awkward, funny, exciting, and unexpected.
Those moments of disagreement, misunderstanding, and uneasiness are so valuable in learning about ourselves and others.
I can spell check my text message before I reply to his message to make sure I don’t look stupid. I might even use a thesaurus to find a more intelligent sounding word.
I can minimise future need to compromise because I can already see in his profile that his 5 year plan aligns with mine.
There is no need for me to waste my time getting to know him because he doesn’t look like a nice guy in his profile photo.
The problem with Swipe Dating apps is clear to me.
There is the obvious issue of becoming a visual consumer of people. Sniffing, biting, chewing, and spitting out, based on gut reflexes of YUM or YUCK.
Then the second problem that is disguised as a solution and feeds off our insecurities. That it promises a match made in the algorithm.
We can see this in MAFS. That strangers matched by so-called ‘Experts’ are incredibly incompatible.
We can see it in Hinge. That strangers match, text, ghost, text, match, unmatch, meet, ghost, repeat yet cannot bring themselves to deleting the app for good.
We are convinced of the need for the algorithm’s empty promise and tragically failed effort to eliminate the friction of human interaction.
Yes. It’s heart breaking when love is not returned.
Yes. It’s painful when trust is betrayed.
AI assisted dating won’t help that.
Getting married to a stranger picked for you by certified sexologist Alessandra Rampolla, and relationship experts John Aiken and Mel Schilling won’t help that.
This heart-break and this pain, along with the awkwardness, embarrassment, fear, and uneasiness of interacting with people is part of the human experience.
It is not bad!
In fact, (and I am proud to say this from my own experience) with practice, awkwardness becomes endearing, embarrassment becomes funny, fear becomes exciting. Heart-break and pain always seem to hurt, but never enough to not even try.
Embrace the inefficiency and uncomfortability of human interaction!
Gently break social boundaries!
Talk to people you don’t know!
Make a new friend!
It is not bad.
It is real!
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